Dear Douchebag

I wrote this one a year or two ago. Recently, a friend of mine asked me to send it to him so I thought I would share it here.

"Dear Douchebag"

Why does it seem like you are always in every class
And its not like you vary—No, always a grade A smart ass
doing absolutely anything to pass
I see you before class asking the teacher how it goes
I see you walking out, after class, with a nasty brown nose
You scum, they should throw your body off the face of the earth
Or stuff you back in the uterus that gave you birth

You try to impress us with your trivial knowledge
reciting every civil war battle in reverse chronological order
or naming the exact time General Lee gave his last order
Don’t get me wrong, I love those that aren’t ignorant
But you’re just a bulimic
regurgitating everything that comes your way
trying to impress and act like you’re better at everything you do and say
But we’re all just disgusted

I know all you want to do is get acknowledged
but you don’t have to do that by flaunting your so-called-knowledge
Let someone else take the limelight
We all know that you got the answer and are bright
And don’t need to shout the answer to know that you’re right
So stop asking all those irrelevant questions.
Do you get off to that or is it just a sick, twisted obsession?

Oh and do you really need to voice your opinion on every little topic of discussion
because its you I always seem to hear amongst the classroom percussion
I mean caring about politics is fair
I am glad that you really do care
but don’t act like George Bush or Steven Colbert is your next love affair

And do you really think that we’re all going to fail
while you succeed?
Do you honestly believe it’s your pity that we need?
I know that you think you took the best path
while the rest of us have gone astray
but I don’t really give a fuck what you say
I do shit my way

But hey let me break the news to you
before you go off and get crushed
You’re the only one with something to prove to us
So take that condescending mentality and stick it up your ass
and maybe then we can finally let you pass

I thought after high school we would finally be through
but when I got to college I came to realize
There are now 4,328 more of you

So to all those douchebags out there I would just like to say

Thank you very much. Fuck you very much. And have a nice day

Sincerely, Phill.

Bad Meaning Bad not Bad Meaning Good

Sometimes bad days turn into a bad week... hopefully it ends soon.

Facade

There is something so genuine and pure about children and their intentions. As I get older my hopes of humanity seem to diminish as selfish desires are masked in deceit and contradictions. There are good people in the world that are true to their intentions and I believe in those people. I am no saint either and have my own mistakes to correct but I try my best to be true to my word. It would be wrong for me to call someone right or wrong for certain actions or decisions. Judgment is reserved for the higher power but it makes me sad to think that the people so close to you could turn out to be such a facade... Is it so bad to have expectations and reserve respect for someone? Or should I just believe in the facade?

The Spirit of Adventure

SPOILER ALERT: Do not read if you haven't seen the movie UP yet...

This movie was absolutely amazing. I have been wanting to write about it since I got out of the theatre on Friday. It was the perfect combination of mature undertones combined with hilarious jokes that continued to capture both my heart and laughter throughout every scene.

Within the first five minutes, I was immediately emotionally attached to the characters and even filled with a sudden sadness with two characters that I was just introduced to. Even though you could argue that it was a bit cliche to have two children meet and fall in love and then grow old together, there was a certain sense of sincerity and honesty that I felt as you saw Carl and Ellie grow old together. Perhaps it is the thought or dream of falling in love and growing old with someone that drew me in so much, but the continued happiness amongst the hardship they presented was so touching.

The humor was neither over the top nor cheap. I appreciated that the humor they presented did not have to rely on toilet humor or on exploiting absolutely ridiculous antics in order to make people laugh. I liked that they used simple jokes like the high pitched voice or the squirrel jokes just enough for people to remember but not enough for people to get tired of. They did not have to rely on solely one joke or one character to get the audience to laugh, the characters just seemed to naturally present the jokes as the story progressed.

But most of all, I appreciated the overall message of the movie. I think often times many things in our lives, like entertainment, lack any sort of positive message or meaning. Although I do appreciate mindless humor here and there, I believe that overall I appreciate a great story with a positive message. To me, this movie asked whether or not you mindlessly chase goals or dreams to simply get them done or if you continue to preserve the original intentions or meanings behind those goals and dreams. It was a good reminder to seize the dreams or goals while we still can and never to be deferred from taking on new ones when old goals or dreams don't seem to work out. It reminded me to continue to preserve that Spirit of Adventure no matter how young, how old, or maybe even how unlikely we may think we may be.

Why Watching the MTV Movie Awards is Pointless

Today, I really felt like writing but couldn't really stick to an idea or thought to write about. However, after my friend informed me of the winners of this year's 2009 MTV Movie Awards, there was no way I was not going to angrily rant on why watching this awards show is quite possibly the biggest waste of anyone's time. So here are the reasons why people should not be allowed to vote for movie awards:

(Note: Winners are in bold)

REASON 1: BEST MOVIE
Twilght
The Dark Knight
High School Musical 3: Senior Year
Iron Man
Slumdog Millionaire

Who could POSSIBLY think that Twilight was best movie? Out of all of those movies, I would even want to argue that it was the WORST.

REASON 2: BEST MALE PERFORMANCE
Zac Efron, High School Musical 3: Senior Year
Christian Bale, The Dark Knight
Robert Downey Jr., Iron Man
Shia LaBeouf, Eagle Eye
Vin Diesel, Fast & Furious

Even the choices given here are ridiculous. Vin Diesel? You might as well add Paul Walker's brilliant performance into the mix as well. How about MIke Meyers for Love Guru too?

REASON 3: BEST FEMALE PERFORMANCE
Kristen Stewart, Twilight
Angelina Jolie, Wanted
Anne Hathaway, Bride Wars
Kate Winslet, The Reader
Taraji P. Henson, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

Among all those female performances, I don't even understand how Kristen Stewart's performance could even be REMOTELY close to being on the same level... This is like saying Miley Cyrus is as hot as Megan Fox. Not even if she got hit by a bus would this comparison even be equal.

REASON 4: BEST FIGHT
Robert Pattinson vs. Cam Gigandet, Twilight
Anne Hathaway vs. Kate Hudson, Bride Wars
Christian Bale vs. Heath Ledger, The Dark Knight
Ron Perlman vs. Luke Goss, Hellboy II: The Golden Army
Seth Rogen and James Franco vs. Danny McBride, Pineapple Express

TWILIGHT??? For Best FIGHT? I would argue that EVEN Anne Hathaway and Kate Hudson had a more epic of a fight in Bride Wars. Two absolutely insane women going at it sounds better than horrible special effects. I would rather watch an argument between Jon and Kate than watch the fight from Twilight, at least Jon and Kate is somewhat entertaining.

REASON 5: BREAKTHROUGH PERFORMANCE, FEMALE
Ashley Tisdale, High School Musical 3: Senior Year
Amanda Seyfried, Mamma Mia!
Freida Pinto, Slumdog Millionaire
Kat Dennings, Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist
Miley Cyrus, Hannah Montana: The Movie
Vanessa Hudgens, High School Musical 3: Senior Year

Even the choices suck. If anything it should have been Freida Pinto. They must have had a bunch of seven year old who only watched these movies to pick the choices.

REASON 6: BREAKTHROUGH PERFORMANCE, MALE
Robert Pattinson, Twilight
Ben Barnes, The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian
Bobb'e J. Thompson, Role Models
Dev Patel, Slumdog Millionaire
Taylor Lautner, Twilight

I am sorry but how could Dev Patel lose and how are two people from twilight even choices???

REASON 7: BEST SONG FROM A MOVIE
Miley Cyrus "The Climb", Hannah Montana: The Movie
A.R. Raham "Jai Ho", Slumdog Millionaire
Bruce Springsteen "The Wrestler", The Wrestler
Paramore "Decode", Twilight

This one just took the cake. MILEY CYRUS????????? Best SONG? How is that even a song. I could rant for hours on why Miley Cyrus is not a real artist who does not make real music and should stop continuing to produce anything that is associated with music for the sake of all humankind.

Well there you have. The only good thing that might have came from this awards show was Bruno attacking Eminem's homophobia (Go search it if you want. It is pretty hilarious).

Good Night.

Dear Friend

So I recently ran across an old friend's blog. I have not heard from this friend in quite sometime and it makes me sad thinking about how I have lost touched with this friend. From time to time, I get questions about this particular person and I begin to wonder the answers to these very questions myself... I think it is a process we all go through even though we do not want to... So this is to anyone who has lost a good friend. Perhaps we may meet again...


Dear Stranger,

Why is it that you never call when you come home
Are we not that important to you
Or would you rather spend your days alone?
Have you forgotten all those manic Friday nights
Going to the movies and walking home under streetlights

Because as of this point I already lost more
More than pride or sentiments may concede
And I’ve wanted to say this longer
Longer than you and maybe even I care to believe

And it hurts because
I know how close our roots once were
And I am not bitter
Just wondering why this had to occur

So when people ask about you and how you are
I begin to wonder too
I imagine you’re safe and
You’re doing what you always wanted to do

But I guess this is all part of
growing up and growing old
People come in and out of you life
Or so I am told.
But why is it, old friend
that you had to leave
without even a goodbye

If you don’t care for us anymore, that is fine
I don’t really expect a reply
Open doors and open arms grow weary
and eventually close
Opportunities exist for only moments
that some choose to forgo

So even though you might have been only
an insignificant mark
in this endless book we call life
I remember that this time may have
already passed
And never forget that you were
a good friend in the past.
These pages are fading,
but the memories will last.

Perhaps a new chapter awaits
I guess we can only rely on fate
with faith
Maybe then you can be again
Not Dear Stranger but
Dear Friend.

A Feeling

"Is a feeling anything but an entire world poured into a thought?"

I think this quote is amazing. I stumbled upon it as I was reading Pere Goriot by Balzac. Really good book, and I recommend anyone that has not read it to go do so. I initially didn't read it because I said I didn't have time to, but I am glad I decided to pick it up again. I think I really like this book because of its realism. It gives a very realistic portrayal of society and the various characters that you will probably encounter in it... 

Right now I am feeling pretty stressed out due to all the work I have to do for all my classes it seems, but the thought of being done is keeping me sane.... I made some fun plans and I can't wait... Something to look forward to.

Where the Road Divides

Here is where the road divides
Here is where we realize
The sculpting of the Father's great design
Through time you've been a friend to me
But time is now the enemy
I wish we didn't have to say goodbye

But I know the road he chose for me
Is not the road he chose for you
So as we chase the dreams we're after

Pray for me and I'll pray for you
Pray that we will keep the common ground
Won't you pray for me and I'll pray for you
And one day love will bring us back around again

Painted on our tapestry
We see the way it has to be
Weaving through the laughter and the tears
But love will be the tie that binds us
To the time we leave behind us
Memories will be our souvenirs
And I know that through it all
The hardest part of love is letting go
But there's a greater love that holds us

Pray for me and I'll pray for you
Pray that we will keep the common ground
Won't you pray for me and I'll pray for you
And one day love will bring us back around again...

Delilah or Samson

Am I
Delilah or Samson
That’s the question I ask myself everyday

Do I love you
Beyond reason, without reason
Or is it you I betray?

Do my feelings remain true
Or do I let my heart wander astray
Do I trust you
Or do I walk away?

Lord Give me Strength
Even if these columns crumble upon me
Lord Give me Strength
Set me free

Lord Give me Strength
My mistakes I finally see
Lord Give me Strength
Forgive me

Over Easy

She is an expert. She has held many of them in that unforgiving hand. Some have been whiter than others, but regardless her hand has tainted and broken them all. It doesn’t matter how hard a shell of defense might be put up; they all come crashing down only to be exposed for her pleasure. She cracks them and throws them all in the same black abyss every time. Sizzle, pop, squirm, sizzle, pop. Sunny side up? Over easy? Over hard? Fried? Scrambled? She does what she pleases. Whatever style, her nourishment and fulfillment are all that matter. Once she is finished, she disposes of the lifeless, empty shell only to move on to her next victim.

Please leave mine with a little bit of yolk left; I would rather not be fried all the way. I would rather not break too many eggs, but if I must I like them over easy. But I guess I am walking on eggshells… so tell me, is it You or Me that picks up the pieces?

Follow Your Dharma, Don't Fall Into Routine

Dharma – one’s righteous duty.

Routine – a course of normative, standardized actions or procedures that are followed regularly, often repetitiously.

My Monday Routine

1. Stay up all night doing my Environmental Design sketchbook assignment
2. Wake up to go to my 9 AM Stats discussion
3. Turn in my sketchbook
4. Take the bus down to Starbucks
5. Get coffee and try to be productive until my class at noon
6. Go to class
7. Leave class at 2 and go home
   

Today started off like any typical Monday. I was tired from the night before as I desperately tried to put together a sketchbook project for my environmental design class that was somewhat near decent. However, on my way to turn in the project, I ran into a friend. As we talked for a minute and I described this constant procedure I have every Monday, she said something that caught me by surprise. She told me that she didn’t think I was so routine.

I find myself constantly falling into routine. Even though I like to think of myself as an individual and someone that doesn’t fall into the normative constructs of societal stereotypes, I somehow find myself falling into the crevices of the normative routines that trap everyone. Although school is important, I find that it sometimes, and especially this semester and now more so than others, confines me to routines and stops me from pursuing my passion of art. I constantly find myself bombarded with assignments that stop me from making and creating what I love best.

We had a guest speaker in my Peace and Conflict Studies class and he talked about non-violence and its influences on leaders and its current position in society today. Interestingly enough, he talked about this idea of Dharma. As trite as it may seem, the idea of “follow your dreams” has been strangled and buried under socio-economic implications that are given birth by our capitalistic society. Instead, children are influenced by a society driven around money and any job that provides any sort of security of it instead of being encouraged to foster in creative expression and imagination. Individuals are no longer unique, but instead a mute servant to a system that demands conformity to its ideas of perceptions of these securities.

However, the idea of Dharma argues that everyone has a specific duty or purpose in life. Doing a “bad” job at whatever your dharma might be is better than doing a “good” job at someone else’s dharma. Our guest lecturer told us that the reason why people have mid life crises is because they never followed their Dharma and were instead influenced by those around them to doubt their own abilities to fulfill this Dharma.

The problem arises because our society lacks this search of Dharma and recognition of it. Instead we are put into institutions that we call schools where we briefly study concepts but never really apply them to anything. These passions, dreams, ideas that we harbor, which disagree with societal norms and expectations, are disregarded and never have the opportunity to grow.

Hearing all of this was inspirational. I have always wanted to be an artist all my life and even though society says I am going to be poor and that I should pursue something else, I am going to stick to it. Often, people look at me strangely when I tell them I am simply an Art major and nothing more. Sometimes they do suggest I do something else, but from my experience in taking other classes I have found that the most rewarding classes are the ones I am passionate about. Rather than follow someone else’s dreams or expectations, I am going to follow my Dharma. I am going to be an artist. I am going to try and be a humanitarian. I am going to promote the arts and let kids know that they don’t have to fall into the trap and that they can really follow their dreams. Idealistic? Optimistic? Perhaps. But I know I am going to be doing what I love and regardless if that brings in the cash or not, I know I did what I wanted without having regrets or doubts later. I know I will face hardships and doubts along the way, but as long as I continue with this Dharma, I know I will be fine. If you think about it, the most successful people are the one’s that followed their dreams, not the one’s that went in it for the money.

So like the guest speaker asked my class, what is your Dharma?

A Simple Flick

His aching muscles pound to the rhythm of the gravel
The view of the pond becomes visible
He receives his answer.
She waves to him with complete honesty
No desire, no contempt, no assumptions
Just a simple flick of the wrist
But he is reassured
His footsteps are much lighter on that mile
He can’t help but smile
No audible words exchanged
but he knows she whispered
It’s all going to be okay
It’s a beautiful day
It’s all going to be okay
It’s a beautiful day.

Insignificant Speck

She sits calmly on the ledge
sticks of death in between her fingertips
The slow burning ashes crumble to the ground
so frail, so fragile
Insignificant specks upon the vast sea of gray

The stench of carcinogens oddly undermined
Is she thinking? Waiting?
Perhaps waiting for a return?
A son, A daughter, A distant lover?

Legs crossed, Arms steady
She is strong.
Gaze transfixed to the distance
never making eye contact with my own
Her eyes have seen her fair share of tears and years

Is she in her escape?
A place beyond the death trap of reality?
Or embracing and trapping the reality of death?

Does she want to be in the distance too?
Just fade away.
Or does she simply look to the distance
For answers for today?

I want to ask her
But I have no words to say
I want to ask her
But she has no words to say
as I pass by her everyday

She sits calmly on the ledge
sticks of death in between her fingertips
An insignificant speck in the vast sea of gray.

25 Things Most Poeple Don't Know About Me

I usually don't do these kinds of things, but I thought this was fun and put a lot of thought into composing this. Here a list of things most people don't know about me.

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.

1. I legally changed my name to Phillip Young Kim from Young Hoon Kim (Korean name) about a couple years ago. My mom never bothered to change it once we got our US citizenship so I had to do it myself. I am not ashamed of my Korean name at all. I have been going by the name Phillip (baptismal name) for so long that I thought it would be appropriate to have it changed. And yes that is two L’s, I like spelling Phill with two as well.

2. I have a mole right under my lip that some people notice and some people don’t. The ones that do notice make it some trademark kind of thing. I have a bunch but this one seems to be the biggest deal next to the one right in the middle of my forehead.

3. One of my pet peeves is when girls don’t dress appropriately to the weather. If it is 50 degrees outside please wear something other than flip flops and a skirt with Uggs. If I am cold, I know that there is no way in hell you can tell me you’re warm. Wear a coat if it is cold, preferably a cute one. Girls in coats are attractive.

4. I like to download albums not just individual songs. I really like listening to the entire album as a whole rather than the hit song that might be playing on the radio.

5. I would have a severe case of OCD if I did not have lazy tendencies and have a schedule that keeps me busy

6. I’m a sneaker head. I probably have more shoes than even many girls. I can identify fake shoes (especially Nike dunks) from miles away and my bathtub at home is filled with them. There was a point in time where I purchased 4 pairs within a week. I rarely buy a pair of shoes now unless I really really like them.

7. I don’t throw away things. I’m not sure why, but I really don’t throw away something unless I know I will absolutely not need it or want to look at it again. I still have a lot of my schoolwork from middle school and even have all those stupid letters from camp.

8. I used to collect movie tickets. In middle school, my friends and me would go to a movie almost every Friday and kept it going for a good part of high school too. I still have a huge pile of collected tickets and I try and save them still and put it with the rest of my collection when I can remember to.

9. I absolutely love breakfast food. If there were one meal I could eat anytime and anywhere, it would be breakfast. Breakfast is so universal and really hard to mess up. I love waffles, pancakes, eggs, bacon, cereal, bagels, toast, and hash browns. I am all for breakfast.

10. I have a strange habit of eating everything on my plate and not taking a drink of my beverage until I am completely done with all my food.

11. I don’t like ketchup or sauces that much. If it is on something I can stand it, but I try to avoid ketchup like the plague.

12. I am colorblind. Yes that means I am a colorblind artist. I am not severely colorblind to the point where I can’t differentiate between red and green, but I can not see certain shades (a trait very common in males)

13. I have a really horrible memory, but I am very observant. I am horrible with names and remembering stuff for school, but I remember people or small insignificant details. I can remember useless things like what someone was wearing on a certain day, I notice random strangers and remember I saw them earlier that day, or I remember someone for doing something.

14. I am really superstitious about certain things. I don’t believe opening an umbrella or breaking a mirror is going to give you bad luck or anything, but I believe in lucky or unlucky things. For example: If I failed a test wearing a certain shirt, I will not wear it to the next test I take.

15. I have been single for most of my life and when I say most I mean almost my entire life. I don’t find it that surprising at all but whenever I tell this to anyone they do?

16. I am insecure and remember small remarks made about me even if it is jokingly. I try to please all if possible and if someone makes a remark about me, I am very self-conscious about it afterward.

17. I like finishing what I start. I hate giving up on something I put a lot of time or effort into. I do whatever is necessary to get the job done. Example: I will stay up all night to finish a project, paper, or artwork. I will not sleep until I am finished.

18. I prefer hot over cold. I absolutely love my food hot and detest cold food. I would never eat cold pizza and if there were a possibility of having a hot sandwich I would rather eat that than a cold deli sandwich.

19. I am really shy but wish I were more outgoing. I like making new friends and talking to people but I think the insecurities stop me from being the social butterfly. When I am comfortable and know you pretty well I think I show the outgoing side more. So don’t be offended if I make fun of you or stare you down; it means I am comfortable enough to do it to you.

20. I wish I were closer to my family. I am so jealous of those siblings that can tell each other anything or confide in each other. I really want to build stronger relationships with all three of my siblings and parents. There is nothing as constant as family.

21. I want to start wearing hats, scarves, and sunglasses, but I am very self-conscious about it. I don’t think I would look good in hats or sunglasses and scarves are borderline gay for me still.

22. I have been mistaken for being gay by at least two people (from what I can remember). I like to dress nice when I can so I guess that might be why they might have made that mistake, but I don’t think I could ever be gay. Women are so much more interesting and better to look at than men.

23. I don’t dream or remember my dreams that often. I simply lie down and fall asleep immediately and then wake up the next morning like nothing happened at all.

24. I want to be a renaissance man/entertainer. I want to be an actor, singer, dancer, photographer, director, designer, and artist. Unfortunately I don’t have the skills to be most of those things, but if there were some strange opportunity where I could be I would.

25. I am not that much of an open person. I hold things in and keep things to myself most of the time. However, over the course of past couple of months, I think I am a very vulnerable and open guy now. If you’re smart you might take advantage of it while you can haha. I don’t know how long it will last. I don’t think I would have written this thing if that change didn’t occur.

The Kry

Sometimes you just hear the words you to need to hear at exactly the right time. A couple weeks ago as I knelt to pray after communion, I heard exactly what I needed to hear: "Take My Hand" by The Kry. The words were beautiful. I knew them well, but it had been such a long time since I last heard them. There was nothing more I could have asked for at that moment. Thanks Linn.

"I know there are times
your dreams turn to dust
you wonder as you cry
why it has to hurt so much
give Me all your sadness
someday you will know the reason why
wih a child-like heart
simply put your hope in Me

Chorus:
Take My hand and walk where I lead
keep your eyes on Me alone
don't you say why were the old days' better
just because you're scared of the unknown
take My hand and walk

Don't live in the past
cause yesterday's gone
wishing memories would last
you're afraid to carry on
you don't know what's comin'
but you know the one who holds tomorrow
I will be your guide
take you through the night
if you keep your eyes on Me..."

Money on the Ground

A friend of mine told me an interesting metaphor a couple weeks ago. He said that love is a lot like finding money on the ground. You don't really look for it, but when you do find it you feel so thankful. When you actively look for money on the ground, you will probably end up with some pennies and maybe a pretty dime or two if you're lucky, both of which won't get you very far. But when you least expect it or even maybe care for it, you may just stumble upon something greater... something worth more than any monetary value that may come across your feet.

Edit:
Whether you pick it up or not is up to you. Perhaps someone lost what you may have found and is out there desperately searching to find it again. Or maybe you would rather bless the next soul that may come across whatever you found. Regardless, there was a reason why you found it at all, and it is ultimately your decision that will determine what happens next. We can all find hundred dollar bills on the ground but not all of us can make them last...

For The History Books

Standing in front of the steps of Sproul Hall amongst the vast multitude of youth as we watched the 44th President of the United States, Barack Obama, be sworn in and give his message of hope was both powerful and moving. It is amazing to see the union of both young and old finally come together and make steps toward change. The journey is going to be long and rigorous, but the forces of evil left the White House today. His story is inspiring, and I hope and pray that he continues to inspire and leads this nation towards the change and peace that not only this nation but this world needs.

Out of Commission

During my trip to Oregon, I saw this old, broken ship sitting at harbor that immediately caught my attention. Staring at the vessel reminded me of myself and also made me think about life in general too. The boat sits in harbor now and is broken, rusted, and almost forgotten. In the beginning, it served as a whaling boat for years. However, it eventually became a tug boat for the remainder of its years on the seas, until it finally came to that harbor to rest. The boat is like a reflection on life: In life, you are made for a certain purpose or intention, but sometimes that changes. Eventually, in the end, you have to come into harbor, like this boat, to finally rest until you are eventually weathered and forgotten. You might have occasional visitors, but as the years progress they will grow fewer. Although more and more visitors will be strangers who might not understand or know your story and even though less and less visitors may show up, you may perhaps spark inspiration in those few that do stop to look.

Even though you might be out of commission much like this boat, that does not mean you have to be forever chained to that harbor. No matter how broken, how rusted, or how impossible it may seem, there is a possibility to be rebuilt. But even if you do continue to remain there fighting the powers of mother nature and the hands of father time, I think the spark of inspiration or growth of ambition you might foster in, even if it is just one other person, is enough to rest in peace. I hope that when my ship does finally come in for good, I at least inspired one mind, touched one heart, and reached out to one soul. Then I will know this life, regardless of all the hardships and pains I might have endured, was worth living.

Flightless Birds

People say birds are one of the best representations of freedom. This association makes sense if you think about it. For example, the bald eagle has become symbolic of majestic power and American freedom. I guess that is why when you see birds that are unable to fly it is so sad, since they can't be in the sky free to roam and travel as they please. But what about birds that naturally can't fly like penguins, turkeys, chickens, ducks, flamingos, and even peacocks? The more I think about it, I believe that those flightless birds are proper metaphors for us humans. Some of us find ways to cope and excel with what we have like penguins, some of us are unfortunately helpless and sometimes eaten like turkeys, chickens, and ducks, but many of us are simply shrouded in our own self glorification as we surround ourselves with unnecessarily gaudy garb like flamingos and peacocks. In the end, none of these birds are free; they are still flightless birds forever chained to the ground. Likewise, we are both literally and figuratively chained to the ground as well. There are social standards, natural circumstances, and perhaps even self-inflicting flaws that chain us and keep us apart from the freedom and individuality that we claim to seek. However, that doesn't mean we can't be like that majestic bald eagle or like the illimitable hummingbird. Every bird was flightless once: you just have to be willing to give up all the preconceived notions and unnecessary baggage that chains you to the ground and take that precarious leap, no matter how high or low the branch. Maybe then we can finally take flight and really be free.

The Bounds of Reality

Ideas, thoughts, emotions, and dreams know no bounds, know no rules, and obey no laws. They exist in a place beyond reality, but we try to make sense of them or bring them into this world. Sometimes they can grow, but often times they are rejected. However, we can hold them in our own hearts and minds and hope for them to come into existence at another time. Sometimes it takes seconds, hours, days, or maybe even years for our efforts to even translate a slight replication or understanding of all the endless things we hold in our minds and hearts. We want that perfect line to that perfect poem, that perfect verse to that perfect song, or that perfect image for that perfect painting that manifested itself from that perfect idea, but more often than not we will find ourselves unable to produce that "perfect" thing that we so desperately want. Although we may chase the complete or somewhat bearable replication or understanding of the mind or heart, it is the process, the toil, the relentless efforts, and the failed attempts that makes that final or complete replication and understanding so rewarding. It is the journey from the mind, not the destination to the bounds of reality, that makes the successes so fulfilling.

Life in a Yurt

The past few days I spent in a "yurt" with two of my closest friends. I had no idea what a yurt was before this trip so don't feel stupid if you don't either, but it basically is a little hut. Anyways, the trip was so refreshing and much needed. It is nice to get away from all the distractions that clutter our lives today and just really have time to just take in the beauty of nature with good company and have some time for self reflection. It is so simple, but I think most of the time I forget to really just stop and take in all the beauty and blessings surrounding me. It is so easy to fall into those familiar distractions but being away from it all made me realize that I can easily make some steps at moving beyond those distractions without a road trip to the middle of nowhere.

However, the trip would not have been quite the same without the company I was with. I mean who else would just spontaneously go to Oregon with me? These guys mean a lot to me, and I am so glad that I can just spend time with these guys whenever I come back home. Even if we are in different places for school throughout the year, I know we can just pick off where we left off when we all are back. Talking, laughing, and just doing whatever is so natural, and that is something so priceless to me. I am so glad that I have them in my life and I could not have asked for anything better.

Before It's Too Late

I have been meaning to write this for quite some time, and I thought it would be appropriate now especially since it is the start of a new year. I know people always say that you have to learn to appreciate what you have before it is gone, but I think people always seem to forget that. Flowers are so much more meaningful and appreciated by a person that is alive rather than dead. It really shouldn’t take a loss or tragedy for us to realize that. And even though those important people in our lives probably already know that we care about them regardless if we tell them or not, I think it is important that we let them know just in case they don’t already or remind them that we do. Instead of wishing you had more time or wishing you had said more, just do it now. Because you can’t change yesterday and tomorrow is never promised, and you never know whether or not you will get another chance to do it otherwise.

So I just want to thank all those people in my life that have stuck it through with me thick and thin. I honestly can say I don’t know how I would even be here without you guys. I am so blessed to have such wonderful people that will be there whenever I need an ear to hear my troubles, whenever I need a helping hand when the weight of it all becomes a little to unbearable, whenever I need a second opinion when I become unsure of my own decisions, whenever I need words of encouragement to get me through the day, whenever I need a smile or a laugh during times of despair, and just whenever I don’t even need anything at all except someone to just be there. It really is an honor to know all of you, and I am sorry for all the times I have failed to be there for you. I promise to try and always be there for all of you whenever you need me like when I needed you.

The best of friends are the ones that are always there with an open mind and heart even through the various changes and circumstances that may occur in life. There might be times of disagreement, confrontation, and perhaps even separation but I hope that in the end there is resolution. I would never want to lose a good friend over anything, and I hope that even if we go our separate ways that the distance between us is never too far. They say nothing last forever, but I promise to always try and be a person with an open mind and heart and put any pride aside to make any wrongs right. Because losing any one of you is something that just can’t be replaced with any amount of money, possessions, or even other acquaintances I may meet.

Let this be a friendly reminder to take some time to really think about all those people you have in your own lives that you are grateful for. Make sure you thank them and do or say everything you need to or want to do or say to them before it's too late because you never know when you will have that opportunity again.

In a nutshell this is a thank you and that I hope you all know that I am so grateful. I can’t thank you guys enough for being here, and I promise to always try and be there for you too. May we always put our differences aside and let the good times roll on!