Where the Road Divides

Here is where the road divides
Here is where we realize
The sculpting of the Father's great design
Through time you've been a friend to me
But time is now the enemy
I wish we didn't have to say goodbye

But I know the road he chose for me
Is not the road he chose for you
So as we chase the dreams we're after

Pray for me and I'll pray for you
Pray that we will keep the common ground
Won't you pray for me and I'll pray for you
And one day love will bring us back around again

Painted on our tapestry
We see the way it has to be
Weaving through the laughter and the tears
But love will be the tie that binds us
To the time we leave behind us
Memories will be our souvenirs
And I know that through it all
The hardest part of love is letting go
But there's a greater love that holds us

Pray for me and I'll pray for you
Pray that we will keep the common ground
Won't you pray for me and I'll pray for you
And one day love will bring us back around again...

Delilah or Samson

Am I
Delilah or Samson
That’s the question I ask myself everyday

Do I love you
Beyond reason, without reason
Or is it you I betray?

Do my feelings remain true
Or do I let my heart wander astray
Do I trust you
Or do I walk away?

Lord Give me Strength
Even if these columns crumble upon me
Lord Give me Strength
Set me free

Lord Give me Strength
My mistakes I finally see
Lord Give me Strength
Forgive me

Over Easy

She is an expert. She has held many of them in that unforgiving hand. Some have been whiter than others, but regardless her hand has tainted and broken them all. It doesn’t matter how hard a shell of defense might be put up; they all come crashing down only to be exposed for her pleasure. She cracks them and throws them all in the same black abyss every time. Sizzle, pop, squirm, sizzle, pop. Sunny side up? Over easy? Over hard? Fried? Scrambled? She does what she pleases. Whatever style, her nourishment and fulfillment are all that matter. Once she is finished, she disposes of the lifeless, empty shell only to move on to her next victim.

Please leave mine with a little bit of yolk left; I would rather not be fried all the way. I would rather not break too many eggs, but if I must I like them over easy. But I guess I am walking on eggshells… so tell me, is it You or Me that picks up the pieces?

Follow Your Dharma, Don't Fall Into Routine

Dharma – one’s righteous duty.

Routine – a course of normative, standardized actions or procedures that are followed regularly, often repetitiously.

My Monday Routine

1. Stay up all night doing my Environmental Design sketchbook assignment
2. Wake up to go to my 9 AM Stats discussion
3. Turn in my sketchbook
4. Take the bus down to Starbucks
5. Get coffee and try to be productive until my class at noon
6. Go to class
7. Leave class at 2 and go home
   

Today started off like any typical Monday. I was tired from the night before as I desperately tried to put together a sketchbook project for my environmental design class that was somewhat near decent. However, on my way to turn in the project, I ran into a friend. As we talked for a minute and I described this constant procedure I have every Monday, she said something that caught me by surprise. She told me that she didn’t think I was so routine.

I find myself constantly falling into routine. Even though I like to think of myself as an individual and someone that doesn’t fall into the normative constructs of societal stereotypes, I somehow find myself falling into the crevices of the normative routines that trap everyone. Although school is important, I find that it sometimes, and especially this semester and now more so than others, confines me to routines and stops me from pursuing my passion of art. I constantly find myself bombarded with assignments that stop me from making and creating what I love best.

We had a guest speaker in my Peace and Conflict Studies class and he talked about non-violence and its influences on leaders and its current position in society today. Interestingly enough, he talked about this idea of Dharma. As trite as it may seem, the idea of “follow your dreams” has been strangled and buried under socio-economic implications that are given birth by our capitalistic society. Instead, children are influenced by a society driven around money and any job that provides any sort of security of it instead of being encouraged to foster in creative expression and imagination. Individuals are no longer unique, but instead a mute servant to a system that demands conformity to its ideas of perceptions of these securities.

However, the idea of Dharma argues that everyone has a specific duty or purpose in life. Doing a “bad” job at whatever your dharma might be is better than doing a “good” job at someone else’s dharma. Our guest lecturer told us that the reason why people have mid life crises is because they never followed their Dharma and were instead influenced by those around them to doubt their own abilities to fulfill this Dharma.

The problem arises because our society lacks this search of Dharma and recognition of it. Instead we are put into institutions that we call schools where we briefly study concepts but never really apply them to anything. These passions, dreams, ideas that we harbor, which disagree with societal norms and expectations, are disregarded and never have the opportunity to grow.

Hearing all of this was inspirational. I have always wanted to be an artist all my life and even though society says I am going to be poor and that I should pursue something else, I am going to stick to it. Often, people look at me strangely when I tell them I am simply an Art major and nothing more. Sometimes they do suggest I do something else, but from my experience in taking other classes I have found that the most rewarding classes are the ones I am passionate about. Rather than follow someone else’s dreams or expectations, I am going to follow my Dharma. I am going to be an artist. I am going to try and be a humanitarian. I am going to promote the arts and let kids know that they don’t have to fall into the trap and that they can really follow their dreams. Idealistic? Optimistic? Perhaps. But I know I am going to be doing what I love and regardless if that brings in the cash or not, I know I did what I wanted without having regrets or doubts later. I know I will face hardships and doubts along the way, but as long as I continue with this Dharma, I know I will be fine. If you think about it, the most successful people are the one’s that followed their dreams, not the one’s that went in it for the money.

So like the guest speaker asked my class, what is your Dharma?

A Simple Flick

His aching muscles pound to the rhythm of the gravel
The view of the pond becomes visible
He receives his answer.
She waves to him with complete honesty
No desire, no contempt, no assumptions
Just a simple flick of the wrist
But he is reassured
His footsteps are much lighter on that mile
He can’t help but smile
No audible words exchanged
but he knows she whispered
It’s all going to be okay
It’s a beautiful day
It’s all going to be okay
It’s a beautiful day.

Insignificant Speck

She sits calmly on the ledge
sticks of death in between her fingertips
The slow burning ashes crumble to the ground
so frail, so fragile
Insignificant specks upon the vast sea of gray

The stench of carcinogens oddly undermined
Is she thinking? Waiting?
Perhaps waiting for a return?
A son, A daughter, A distant lover?

Legs crossed, Arms steady
She is strong.
Gaze transfixed to the distance
never making eye contact with my own
Her eyes have seen her fair share of tears and years

Is she in her escape?
A place beyond the death trap of reality?
Or embracing and trapping the reality of death?

Does she want to be in the distance too?
Just fade away.
Or does she simply look to the distance
For answers for today?

I want to ask her
But I have no words to say
I want to ask her
But she has no words to say
as I pass by her everyday

She sits calmly on the ledge
sticks of death in between her fingertips
An insignificant speck in the vast sea of gray.

25 Things Most Poeple Don't Know About Me

I usually don't do these kinds of things, but I thought this was fun and put a lot of thought into composing this. Here a list of things most people don't know about me.

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.

1. I legally changed my name to Phillip Young Kim from Young Hoon Kim (Korean name) about a couple years ago. My mom never bothered to change it once we got our US citizenship so I had to do it myself. I am not ashamed of my Korean name at all. I have been going by the name Phillip (baptismal name) for so long that I thought it would be appropriate to have it changed. And yes that is two L’s, I like spelling Phill with two as well.

2. I have a mole right under my lip that some people notice and some people don’t. The ones that do notice make it some trademark kind of thing. I have a bunch but this one seems to be the biggest deal next to the one right in the middle of my forehead.

3. One of my pet peeves is when girls don’t dress appropriately to the weather. If it is 50 degrees outside please wear something other than flip flops and a skirt with Uggs. If I am cold, I know that there is no way in hell you can tell me you’re warm. Wear a coat if it is cold, preferably a cute one. Girls in coats are attractive.

4. I like to download albums not just individual songs. I really like listening to the entire album as a whole rather than the hit song that might be playing on the radio.

5. I would have a severe case of OCD if I did not have lazy tendencies and have a schedule that keeps me busy

6. I’m a sneaker head. I probably have more shoes than even many girls. I can identify fake shoes (especially Nike dunks) from miles away and my bathtub at home is filled with them. There was a point in time where I purchased 4 pairs within a week. I rarely buy a pair of shoes now unless I really really like them.

7. I don’t throw away things. I’m not sure why, but I really don’t throw away something unless I know I will absolutely not need it or want to look at it again. I still have a lot of my schoolwork from middle school and even have all those stupid letters from camp.

8. I used to collect movie tickets. In middle school, my friends and me would go to a movie almost every Friday and kept it going for a good part of high school too. I still have a huge pile of collected tickets and I try and save them still and put it with the rest of my collection when I can remember to.

9. I absolutely love breakfast food. If there were one meal I could eat anytime and anywhere, it would be breakfast. Breakfast is so universal and really hard to mess up. I love waffles, pancakes, eggs, bacon, cereal, bagels, toast, and hash browns. I am all for breakfast.

10. I have a strange habit of eating everything on my plate and not taking a drink of my beverage until I am completely done with all my food.

11. I don’t like ketchup or sauces that much. If it is on something I can stand it, but I try to avoid ketchup like the plague.

12. I am colorblind. Yes that means I am a colorblind artist. I am not severely colorblind to the point where I can’t differentiate between red and green, but I can not see certain shades (a trait very common in males)

13. I have a really horrible memory, but I am very observant. I am horrible with names and remembering stuff for school, but I remember people or small insignificant details. I can remember useless things like what someone was wearing on a certain day, I notice random strangers and remember I saw them earlier that day, or I remember someone for doing something.

14. I am really superstitious about certain things. I don’t believe opening an umbrella or breaking a mirror is going to give you bad luck or anything, but I believe in lucky or unlucky things. For example: If I failed a test wearing a certain shirt, I will not wear it to the next test I take.

15. I have been single for most of my life and when I say most I mean almost my entire life. I don’t find it that surprising at all but whenever I tell this to anyone they do?

16. I am insecure and remember small remarks made about me even if it is jokingly. I try to please all if possible and if someone makes a remark about me, I am very self-conscious about it afterward.

17. I like finishing what I start. I hate giving up on something I put a lot of time or effort into. I do whatever is necessary to get the job done. Example: I will stay up all night to finish a project, paper, or artwork. I will not sleep until I am finished.

18. I prefer hot over cold. I absolutely love my food hot and detest cold food. I would never eat cold pizza and if there were a possibility of having a hot sandwich I would rather eat that than a cold deli sandwich.

19. I am really shy but wish I were more outgoing. I like making new friends and talking to people but I think the insecurities stop me from being the social butterfly. When I am comfortable and know you pretty well I think I show the outgoing side more. So don’t be offended if I make fun of you or stare you down; it means I am comfortable enough to do it to you.

20. I wish I were closer to my family. I am so jealous of those siblings that can tell each other anything or confide in each other. I really want to build stronger relationships with all three of my siblings and parents. There is nothing as constant as family.

21. I want to start wearing hats, scarves, and sunglasses, but I am very self-conscious about it. I don’t think I would look good in hats or sunglasses and scarves are borderline gay for me still.

22. I have been mistaken for being gay by at least two people (from what I can remember). I like to dress nice when I can so I guess that might be why they might have made that mistake, but I don’t think I could ever be gay. Women are so much more interesting and better to look at than men.

23. I don’t dream or remember my dreams that often. I simply lie down and fall asleep immediately and then wake up the next morning like nothing happened at all.

24. I want to be a renaissance man/entertainer. I want to be an actor, singer, dancer, photographer, director, designer, and artist. Unfortunately I don’t have the skills to be most of those things, but if there were some strange opportunity where I could be I would.

25. I am not that much of an open person. I hold things in and keep things to myself most of the time. However, over the course of past couple of months, I think I am a very vulnerable and open guy now. If you’re smart you might take advantage of it while you can haha. I don’t know how long it will last. I don’t think I would have written this thing if that change didn’t occur.